To this day I can’t decide which was worse: the fever or the feeling of razor blades in my lungs. That first day the flu hit, my body was wracked with wave after wave of fever. It’s a kind of misery that I can’t describe. It would last ten to fifteen minutes and the intensity was unbearable, but when it finally subsided my relief was minimal; I would become cold to the […]
I never get sick. Ever. I don’t get colds or the flu. I’ve never had a broken bone and I’ve never been in a car accident, and until just recently, when I had Fester evicted from my back, I’d never even had stitches. And this is good because my mind has had plenty of ailments from the day I was born. To me this is an even trade-off. I am quick […]
I became familiar with this breed of person really just this year when the Toronto Blue Jays made the playoffs for the first time in a bazillion years. The country celebrated and people were happy. And then the fun shamers came out of the woodwork to complain: How dare they celebrate celebrate and be happy when there are ____________________in the world? Anything from famine in Africa, to the perceived disproportionate media […]
It’s been a while since I posted and for that I do apologize. So here is a rundown of the events since I last was here: I have a new schedule at work. (Really, John? This is what you’re going to lead with? I hope everyone just had some coffee.) This is kind of a big deal for me because my life is fairly routinized and I’ve had the same […]
My game guide lay open on the dining room table. This is where I like to conduct my “research.” I pore over the tome, reading glasses perched on my nose, gleaning the wonders and bounty of the Wasteland. Cue the record needle being scratched across the vinyl. Maureen: You wanna move your nerd shit so I can read the paper? I shake my head sadly and make space for the […]
The following is a transcript of a phone conversation between my wife and me a few days ago: Me: Honey, I have some really good news. Maureen: Is this really good news or is it something about a video game? A long pause. Me: The second one.
This is a picture of Pierre Elliot Trudeau. He was the Prime Minister of Canada from 1968-1979 and 1980-1984, and was the father of our newly elected Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. I love this picture because it goes against the more conventional view of a Canadian. Not all of us are reserved and understated. Some of us have a bit of swagger.
Halloween . . . the one night of the year my wife can just be herself. And for those of you who think I’m being hyperbolic, I present to you: Exhibit A: My Wife Scares Me Exhibit B: Last night my witch wife went out trick-or-treating with her sister and nephews while I was at work. She “forgot” to bring home even one piece of candy even though she knows how […]
Remember her? That’s Petra Laszlo, the 40-year-old Hungarian camerawoman who was captured on video kicking a 10-year-old Syrian refugee and tripping a Syrian father who had a child in his arms. Well, now she’s suing Facebook and the man she tripped. Why? you might ask. According to Laszlo, “Facebook played a major role in my situation.” There’s a Facebook group titled the “Petra Laszlo Shame Wall” that has about 10 000 […]
About ten seconds after the Toronto Blue Jays made the playoffs, I ordered two t-shirts online from the Jays’ shop. And then I waited. And I waited some more. And then I became despondent because I feared that my beloved Jays would be knocked out of the playoffs before my new t-shirts arrived. I got the email on Monday saying that they had finally been shipped. The following is the exchange […]
Get Off My Lawn 