Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Archive for October 2014

My Wife Scares Me

I love a good scare. Or, more accurately, I love to give a good scare. For the length of our marriage, something my wife and I have done consistently is scare the shit out of each other. We often do this while or after watching a horror movie. But the trick to keeping things effective is to make it a seldom and random experience. My preferred method of affliction is to stand statue-still in […]

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The Frog Days of Summer

Facebook is much maligned for being a giant time suck. But I appreciate Facebook for allowing me to keep in touch with friends who live thousands of miles from my home. And sometimes I get a reminder about how little, in some ways, I’ve changed. Here is an edited exchange I had last week: Rob: Anyone recognize this in Renfrew? Tracey: Change room from the beach? Rob: Yep. I think it’s the only […]

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Canadian Thanksgiving (Gobble Gobble)

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. Here are some things I am grateful for that, normally, I just take for granted: 1. Coffee Filters: The usefulness to cost ratio is immense. Making coffee without these perfectly shaped manufactured items would be a pain. 2. Cotton: From t-shirts to pyjamas, cotton is nature’s way of giving us a hug. 3. The Printing Press: The invention of this magnificent tool, and its offspring, has […]

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Personification: My Bladder

So I’m at the stage in my life where I frequently need to ask my bladder, “Do you really need to go pee or do you just think you need to go pee?” My bladder usually just shrugs and says, “You wanna take that chance?” Sigh. “You’re turning into a real asshole, bladder, you know that?’ My bladder stares blankly. “Well, you’re in the right neighbourhood. Wrong house, though.” None of […]

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ISIS and Canada’s Embarrassing Response

I think we can all agree that ISIS is without doubt an evil, vile, and terrifying organization that has committed atrocities from mass executions of religious minorities to the beheading of Western aid workers. The oilfields they have captured, coupled with the American military hardware procured from surrendering Iraqi and Syrian troops, has made ISIS well funded and well equipped. The core of their belief is simple enough: believe what we tell you […]

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This Is Not A Drill

I don’t know if my sense of smell is more sensitive than the average person’s, but there are odours in this world that can cause my stomach to pitch and roll. And it has gotten worse over the years. I live in a high rise apartment that was built during the first big oil boom of the 1970’s, and though the building has had a lot of cosmetic reconstruction and […]

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