Get Off My Lawn

I can't tell if he's laughing or crying.

Suffering for Art

Today we are going to a café for the launch of a poetry book. The author is one of my wife’s colleagues, and since the café is only about a ten or fifteen minute walk from our place, and because the weather has been so nice, we decided several weeks ago to attend the launch. It sounded like a good idea at the time. Hell, just last Saturday the temp got up to plus 17. With a ton of sun. Woohoo!

But then this happened:


It’s been snowing here now for about three days. We haven’t got anywhere near the dump of snow they’ve had, say, in the Maritimes here in Canada, or down south in Boston, but pain is relative (sort of) so I’m going to allow myself to whinge just a bit.

Aside from the snow, my other reason for consternation is my wife’s need/compulsion to walk fast. Faster than I normally walk. I like to dawdle and mosey and look this way and that. My wife, God bless her, goes from point A to point B with the single-minded efficiency of a German engineer. We’ve actually had some near fights over my ability to walk at a pace that even a toddler with gout might find ridiculous. I am often harangued and cajoled and, if it were socially acceptable, I have no doubt a stick would be used as an incentive.

One of my excuses is that if the zombie apocalypse happens while we are in transit, then my energy will be preserved for running. And as I tell my sweet wife, “I don’t have to run faster than the zombie, just faster than you.” Yeah, yeah, a fart in church and all that. I’m given a withering look and told quietly to “move my ass.” The quieter the voice and the more closed the mouth, the less room there is for my sparkling wit. How anyone could deny herself such an oasis on a cold, wintery day is beyond me.

So, in order to avoid my own small personal Trail of Broken Tears, I’m going to attempt to walk at a pace that we can all live with. And hopefully I can get to the poetry reading relatively unscathed and maybe even be inspired to do a bit of creating myself.

I am reminded once again that great art is almost always born out of some suffering.

Categories: Humour, Personal

Tags: , , , ,

44 replies

  1. Suffer away, then! We need more posts from you…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I am a fast walker, so I feel your wife’s pain! No dawdling!! In other news, it’s 80 degrees here today 😉 enjoy the poetry!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ” A toddler with gout” excellent visual.
    And I empathize with this scenario. I went with the parents to NYC in mid March thinking we’d missed the snow, Ha! My mother ( who loves to travel) tromped through the mush while I behind her kept yelling “I’m wearing canvas sneakers you know!! I’m wearing canvas!”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My husband times our walks and is fond of saying to me “You did the last quarter mile 2 seconds off your pace…” There’s not stopping to listen to the birds for him!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. OMG: this made me chuckle because this is exactly how my husband and i are when we walk together, which isn’t often because I am way ahead of him and he is ignoring my repeated summons, plodding along at his own pace. Sometimes it feels like he is doing this on purpose to rile me, and he probably is, but you know what, if a zombie apocalypse occurs as you predict, you and my husband will be alive. Your wife and I will be doomed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I read this comment to my wife and could hardly make through because I was laughing so hard. Your husband sounds awesome. And we will mourn your awful violent deaths at the hands (and teeth) of the zombies.


  6. Love your sense of humor!

    My husband always leaves me behind because he walks so much faster than me. I’m pretty sure that time I broke my foot and managed to walk even slower nearly drove him crazy.

    “Dwarves are natural sprinters, very dangerous over short distances”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your storytelling ability is about the best I’ve read on WordPress. You made a walk to a book launch entertaining, hilarious, and even a little inspiring. This is why you should post more often.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Go in peace, friend…I’ll have beer for you when it’s over.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. LOL Great ending. Here’s to engineers! German and Korean!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Is the snow gone?
    Admire your tactics dealing with zombies. I am sure your wife would kick their asses. Always follow her advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi, John, while I’m new to your party and late to this post I thought it an apt place to thank you. I wrote a poem, Love in Ten Lines and thought of you.


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